For the past few weeks in Europe the big news surrounding the soccer world has involved the sad story of Chelsea and England captain John Terry, who was found having a relationship with another man’s girlfriend. What complicates an already ugly scenario is the fact that the other man whose girlfriend John Terry slept with, has a child by this other man, and the other man was a teammate, both on Chelsea and England’s National Team. When this all became public, the England coach was put in a bind; would he keep Terry as his captain or could he? What would the rest of the team think? In the end he stripped John Terry of the captaincy.
Earlier this week a group of National Team players was invited to begin preparations for an upcoming exhibition game against Egypt. The other player, along with Terry, was invited, but he declined, saying that he wished the England team well at this summer’s World Cup, but he would no longer be a part of England’s plans to win the World Cup, so long as John Terry was on the team.
The debris trail has been huge; John Terry, a well-respected player, arguably the best at his position in the world, captain of one of the top five club teams in the world, and captain of England, a nation that could well win the World Cup this year, has been revealed as much less the Titan than was thought. This seemingly uncompromising warrior was not what he appeared to be. His wife (mother of young twins) has had to endure the pain of being forsaken in adultery, and is now trying to piece together the fragments of her marriage to an unfaithful man. The Terry twins will grow up knowing their dad cheated on their mom. Wayne Bridge, the former teammate, has had to bear the triple pain of being betrayed by his former girlfriend and mother of his child, as well as by his teammate, captain and good friend, as well as having to deal with the weight of having the whole world peer into his private life. He is also bearing the pain of not going to a World Cup and representing his country at the biggest sporting event in the world, and every soccer’s player greatest dream. His child will also grow up knowing the ugly story of how mom and dad hurt each other. Bridge’s girlfriend will have to deal with knowing she cheated on her boyfriend, another man’s wife, and all the children involved. Finally, a whole nation has been brought another few rungs lower on the goodness and faithfulness ladder, and a team will go to a World Cup betrayed, without its captain at the helm, without a significant player in the wings, their dreams shaken, if not irreparably stunted.
(Incidentally, it’s been very interesting to hear no one saying, “It’s just sex.”)
So what was it that brought John Terry into the swamplands of sexual sin? Among other things, a lack of fruit #9, Self-Control. Terry lives in a 6 million dollar home in London and makes about $266,000 dollars a week, which makes Bo Pelini’s salary look modest by comparison. In terms of all the pleasures of life that money can buy, Terry did not have to deny himself anything, and in his thinking, that included a good friend’s girlfriend.
It is interesting that as a society, we do not want an absence of self-control in the people who intersect our lives, from the cashier at the checkout to the lawyer representing us in court, yet a lack of self-control is precisely what we want to live with at times in our own lives, and it is wise that we recognize this inclination. There is something in each of us, a rebellion deep down that occasionally tries to break the bonds and be set “free.” Remember the old song with the chorus, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love.”? The very prospect of being “liberated” from self-control can excite us; by setting self-control aside, we can stuff ourselves with food that will set us up for a future heart attack, or be loose with our tongues as we tear someone down, or have another drink and drift into some confused mental landscape. By turning away from self-control we can open our lives to a great host of toxins, from excessive food and drink, to meth and cocaine and marijuana, to gambling with our money, our sexuality, our time, our reputations and our very lives.
In the area of SC, we are constantly being asked, “Whose are you? Are you a slave to yourself or are you the master? Are you a slave to impulses, hungers, wants, desires, stuff, toys, or . . . are you a willing slave of God? Are you a master over them or do you let them master you?” Paul said it this way; “I will not be enslaved by anything.” (1 Corinthians 6:12) What flows from this passion is an enslavement more significant, more Christ-exalting, more kingdom-building, because it is an enslavement to God.
Psalm 32:9 warns, “Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding, which must be curbed with bit and bridle or else it will not stay near you.” Self-control is to be happening at the level of the heart, not merely at the level of outward actions. Self-control is not fundamentally about curbing wrong actions, it is about having the heart so enthralled with God that the person is willingly fed, controlled and influenced by the Holy Spirit at the deepest possible level. Self-control, as Dean has mentioned, like all the fruit of the Holy Spirit, is a gift, but it’s also a mark of Christian maturity. It is a gift that comes as the believer deepens in his/her asking. So if we look at ourselves today and see less SC than we would like, ask, beg, plead with God for more, all the while exercising what you have.
A few words about self-control and then let’s see what the Bible has to say.
Self-control, or the control of ones’ self is so that you can be abandoned to another, namely God, and His purposes in your life. God is not into making joyless stoics who exercise self-control in order to better feed their joyless stoicism.
Self-control is not there to deprive people of happiness. It is not self-denial for the sake of self-denial. It is not about “toning it down a bit,” becoming less excited and more emotionally reserved. It has training purposes. Training in godliness.
What has the lack of self-control meant for some people in the Bible?
Lot’s wife – Genesis 19:26
Moses – Numbers 20 – God tells Moses to speak to the rock in the people’s presence in order to get water, and Moses, agitated with their belly aching, and perhaps short-fused anyway in light of his sister Miriam’s death, does things his own way, hitting the rock twice with his stick. He doesn’t enter the Promised Land.
David – 2 Samuel 11,12 – David watching Bathsheba on the rooftop – “Will I watch or not?” Rape, birth out of wedlock, murder, disgrace, death, rampaging through most of the Ten Commandments
We call it a lack of self-control, which it often is, but I wonder if another issue, and perhaps a bigger one, is not simply putting self-control to the side. Sometimes we just don’t want it. Sometimes we just want to break loose and say “forget it, I don’t care.” Let’s now look at someone who did care, someone who showed us the greatest example of self-control in all of human history.
Jesus in the Garden. Matthew 26:36-46
three times Jesus asks His Father, “. . . if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (v.39) The question is, “What’s in the cup?” – the horrific reality of bearing the sins of the world, bearing the sins of all those who would be brought to faith in Him, and then facing the wrath of God for those sins. Think about it; Jesus is pure, holy, without sin. Never sinned His entire life in thought, word or action with the prospect now laid before Him of taking all these sins, piled high to the stars, upon Himself as though He did them! And if that’s not enough, then facing the wrath of His Father for those very sins. That’s why Jesus asks three times, having fallen to the ground, “if it be possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” With the crushing weight of what lay before Him, it was profound self-control, among qualities like courage, determination, faithfulness and steadfast love, that saw Him continue toward the cross, and it is no surprise that Luke 22:43 records that there was an angel there strengthening Him.
The fact that SC made Paul’s Top 9 list (Galatians 5:22,23) and Peter’s Top 8 (2 Peter 1:5-7) list is significant. Both writers were led by God to include these qualities.
Why is SC important? What do you need it for and what is the good that comes out of having it? Let’s look at a few scriptural answers:
Galatians 5:17 “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” To combat the inclinations of our past; the war that wages within us between the Spirit and the flesh.
1 Peter 4:7 “The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” Clear link between exercising SC and not compromising your prayers, but nurturing them.
2 Peter 1:8 – “For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” What qualities? (Read verses 5-7) Faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection and love.
Titus 2:4,5 encouraging older women, Paul writes, . . . “and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Women, have self-control so you don’t end up reviling the word of God.
Galatians 5:17 “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” Self-control, along with the other fruit of the Spirit, comes against each of the works of the flesh you see given in verse 19-21. Want to resist jealousy, fits of anger, the desire to get wasted or worship idols? Train warriors, develop the fruit of the Spirit, one of which is self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:4,5 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Paul is not naïve about sexual temptation, nor is he ignorant or squeamish concerning the fact that God bestows protection upon a marriage through lovemaking. And boys I am sure you’re happy that I included that particular observation!
2 Timothy 1:3-7 “I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day. As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, (as in don’t just sit there and do nothing with it; exercise it and thereby build it) which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
1 Corinthians 9:24-27
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.”
Think about what these Olympic athletes have had to control in order to have their bodies as prepared as they could possibly be for Vancouver. Consider the self-control needed in the areas of sleeping, eating, drinking, training. As Paul mentioned, these athletes do it in pursuit of an earthly prize; a medal and human acclaim for being the best in the world at their event. Paul would say, “Christian, in whatever self-control you exercise, and in whatever self-control you ask God for, your goal is an eternal prize, namely that of one day inheriting the imperishable reward of God Himself.” So Paul exercises self-control, disciplining his body and keeping it under control, understanding that the self-control he operates with translates eternally. That is a tremendous incentive for asking for more self-control in our lives.
The Spillover Effect – people are not container ships that have all of these separate boxes piled into them. Rather, they are more like little lakes, so if you pour 50 gallon drums of mercury into one part of the lake, in time the whole lake will suffer. In light of this, self-control in one area of life can spill over into self-control in another area of life. The opposite is also true, namely that a lack of self-control in one area can lead to and inform and feed a lack of self-control in another area. Positively, this means that self-control in what and how much you eat for example can influence the self-control you have to get out and exercise when you don’t want to. Negatively for example, it means poor SC in what you let your mind wander into can influence for ill the self-control you exercise when you choose what you will eat. If you live by the mantra, “I will deny myself nothing,” you will likely find yourself undernourished but overweight, oversexed but unsatisfied, and up on the world, but not up on God.
Action – How do you develop self-control?
1. Ask for it. Perhaps we haven’t well-grasped that God is the one with all the power, and if we ask Him He will act. Remember Paul said to Timothy, “Fan into flame the gift of God which is in you”
John 14:13,14 reads, “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” That’s Jesus talking. He is saying to us this morning, “Ask me for self-control and I’ll give you what you need. Your Father will be glorified in your self-control.”
John 16:24 “Ask and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”
James 4:2 puts it, “You do not have because you do not ask.”
(Realize that through your asking you will likely not have to wait long before the opportunity to exercise self-control presents itself. Pray also for eyes to see the opportunities)
2. Respond slowly – don’t respond immediately but wait until you see more clearly in the calm, cool light of reason how you are to act. Psalm 4:4 “Be angry and do not sin. Ponder in your own hearts on your beds and be silent.” Selah
3. Pursue Christ – The clear link between self-control and the proximity of Jesus Christ in your life. Is He across four lanes of highway, barely discernible amidst the noise of traffic, or is He sitting in the chair across from you, close and therefore influential? I was talking to my friend Ed earlier this week about this. I said to him, “If Jesus were sitting in that couch with you there and me here, and He were talking to us, do you think we’d fight for self-control if our thoughts started going elsewhere? Of course. We would ask for the self-control to attend to Christ as much as we could, and we would exercise the SC that we had.” But if Jesus is not close to us, neither will the fruit of self-control grow in us, or any other fruit for that matter.
Psalm 16:8 “I have set the LORD always before me; because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.”
We tend to set a lot of other things before us and not so much God, and as a result we are frequently moved to think much less of God, and therefore live far less Christianly. If that doesn’t describe us, then perhaps the last portion of the verse does; because God is not close to us in our experience, by our right hand so to speak, we are moved and persuaded into all sorts of distractions. You see in this verse that the proximity of power has everything to do with how much self-control we operate with, and therefore how we live as Christians. If God is not close to us in our experience, other things will crowd in. But if God is close to us, a living reality, not some mere abstraction, then like a moth circling around a porch light on a warm,summer evening, we will want to stay close because we like the heat and we like the light. We will want to be there. And that’s good because God wants to be wanted, and He is made much of in our pursuit of Him.
How does this apply to self-control? Using the moth analogy, we find that the more we circle in a Christward orbit, the more the outside attractions grow dim. The more the Holy Spirit gives us the gift of self-control, the more able and inclined we are to battle back against the forces that, like gravity, try to pull us out of a Christward orbit. And the more we exercise self-control, the better we become at exercising it. The more we exercise self-control, the more likely we are to exercise it the next time, and as I mentioned earlier one venue for self-control can influence another, for good or for ill.
Conclusion
Sinful human nature is always happy to connect with the works of the flesh, which is why being a Christian is hard. This is why developing the fruit of the Holy Spirit is hard and takes time. Every day and every moment provides an opportunity to ask and answer the question, “will I call upon God to develop this fruit in me, and will I labor with Him, or will I be gutless and godless and swim in the works of the flesh?” Galatians 19-21 Thus there will always be good battles to fight, and the battleground is right here, in us.
Let’s end our time with the words of Peter:
2 Peter 1:2-11 “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control (is the main idea with SC here that it come and supplement knowledge, as in moderate it? Be careful with knowledge because it can easily puff up?) with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.